I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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