I am in a vortex of obligation.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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