I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
