The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
