My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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