you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
