Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
then he tried to convert me to islam
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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