You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
