As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
