Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
