I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish my penis had a tongue
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
