I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
