and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
