grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
