A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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