im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
