She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
