wanna go halves on a baby?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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