Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
