My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
