I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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