Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
