No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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