I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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