please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
