I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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