hotel room ftw
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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