I seem to have left my pride at pride
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
