TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
