I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
