my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
