Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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