Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
