I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
