This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Floor bacon is actually really good
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
