we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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