I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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