This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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