Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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