brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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