1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
