Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
