we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
