Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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