You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
