okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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