I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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