i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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