the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
