this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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