Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
