Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
