I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
