If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Terrible idea I love it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
