i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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