Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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