Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
